Spoiler Cole woke up, feeling great. As he got up, he stood on his locust floor. I don’t mean like locust skins on the floor, I mean dead locust bodies heaped together to make a floor. “AH yeah babeh, time to get me some grub!” with that Cole headed off. As he went outside to get the paper after eating a hearty breakfast of fried chicken and watermelon with a side of Imulsion Pudding, he got shot in the FACE by a Grenadier. “Oh it’s on now muthaf-“he was cut off as the locust punched him in the face. With his shotgun. Cole was PISSED. “OH YOU DAYUM LOCUST GRUB IT’S GOING DOWN NOW BABEH” with this he brought out his Lancer and then revved up the chainsaw bayonet and then SHOVED it into the Locust’s balls. “OH YEA NOW YOU CAN’T HAVE KIDS BABEH” and with that he drove the Lancer upwards, cutting the unfortunate Locust in half. “All in a day’s work, nig.” And with that, even though he was covered in Locust blood and gore, he set off for the grocery store. “…..” the old woman remained silent as the gore and blood covered Cole browsed the vegetable isle. Cole finally noticed her. “What? Momma always said to eat plenty o’ greens, babeh.” With that the old woman just scuttled off as Cole weighed a tomato to a pepper. As he went to check out, something didn’t seem right to him. As the worker scanned the items Cole was buying, he made several grunts, of which Cole noticed. “CASGH ORE CREADITE, HUUOMAN?” the worker asked. It was THEN that Cole noticed that instead of the fair-skinned pink complexion that he usually saw in grocery store workers, THIS worker had pale grey skin with black scaly splotches. This worker… Must’ve been a zombie! “DIE YOU ZOMBIE ASS *****!” Cole yelled as he grabbed his shotgun. “Buh I’m not a-“the Locust- I mean ZOMBIE said as his head became familiar with a couple thousands beads of lead traveling at 7000 feet per second. “All in a day’s work, baaaabbeh!” Cole then did a victory jig and walked off to his Junker. As Cole approached the Junker, a Boomer approached it as well. “BOOM” it stupidly announced as it shot its stupid grenade missile bullet from its stupid boomshot thing. The bullet missile pod thing slammed into the Junker, blowing it up instantly with stupidity. “Oh… It’s on now…..” “Babeh.” With that Cole dropped his groceries, and lunged forward, swatting aside another stupid missile suppository bullet torpedo thing. As he slammed into the Boomer, he started to beat the **** out of it with his bear hands. His hands ROARED as they transformed into BEARS. Attached to his ARMS. “Boom?” the Boomer stupidly said as the Bear Hands ripped into him. “RIP AND TEAR, BABEH, RIP AND TEAR! YOU ARE HUEG, THAT MEANS… YOU HAVE HUEG GUTS!” as his BEAR HANDS kept ripping into the Boomer, Cole was yelling with glee. “AH YEAH, HERE IT COMES, HERE COMES THE COLE TRAIN!” with that Cole stood up, and then freakin’ TACKLED the Boomer, instantly running THROUGH its body and out the other side. Cole was now covered in MORE blood and MORE gore. Post more, actually good or hilarious. Edit: This one is hilarious in a bad way. But I did **** bricks at the part with the bears.
