Itza's Ultimate Think-Up-A-Ban-Weapon Down Under Promotional Tournament Contest!

I thought this was stupid enough to deserve its own thread.

Until recently, I thought I was going around with a ban hammer, until I came to the shocking realisation that Fenix was the true holder of the ban hammer, a realisation I came to shortly after reading that Fenix was the true holder of the ban hammer.

So! Apart from the fortunate fact that everyone I banned was also under the delusion that I was somehow in the possession of a second Mjollnir and buggered off to where they came from regardless, this means it's up to you to think up one for me.

I'm in a crazed mindframe of both study and procrastination, so any ideas will sound like good ideas, really. I might put up a poll of my favourites, see what wins by popular demand, or whatever. Who knows? I'm bored.

As for rules, it should probably contain the word 'ban' somewhere, and, let's just say, two thousand words or less. TWO THOUSAND WORDS OR LESS IS A JOKE! Backstory's nice, but I just need a name, so don't get carried away, or add a backstory unless it's hilarious.

Oh, and prizes. Whoever wins can have whatever minerals I have on me at that time, including what's in the bank, etc, but I don't use the bank, so whatever I have on hand, plus the two thousand owed to me by marinefreak, whether he likes it or not.

I have spoken. Entertain me.

 

You talk (or should I say "write") too much. Now entertain me

 

So this one day. I was driving the firetruck. And this one day itza asked me what the colour of a firetruck was. And i didnt know. And i said do firemen put it out? Then he said tahts not the question. I thought and thought. And i finally knew what colour a firetruck is. And i was liek. YOU HAS TEH BAN-SWORD!!

ban sword is covered in red....yes its blood from banning too many trolls.....and i mean trolls....as in troll trolls. They usually try to act cool by putting on some "cool" accent....but phail.

lordkerwyn has the banship
imagine has the bangun
fenix has the banhammer
jon has......awesomeness.


...

...

im bored.

 

Well, we need somthing that screams your cultural heritage...

Banerang?

 

~ Itza's PostBook of Pain ~

Once upon a time a guy named ItzaHexGor joined a forum. He found out that he was quite a good poster, and typed lots of text each time. After a while, he noticed that his rep was getting really high!

"Hmm," he thought "my posting history must have roxed the minds of those newbs!" So he set in motion his evil plan...

After hours and hours of printing, he finally managed to get his posting history on paper. But it was so big! "This here text can killz people!" So after thinking of how to carry it, he bound it together with huge leather and steel bands...

He now carries it with him everywhere he goes. Those who spammeth tha forum, beware! The PostBook of Pain will crush even the largest trolls, for even those cannot withstand the pain brought by four thousand textwalls...

So the oracle has spokeneth.

 

Banspanner

Banranga

Ban...banner...?

I need to win so i can pay off my debts =o

 

Want a loan from me?

*evil laughter*

Where did that come from? >_>

 

What the hell are you guys on about? I just need a weapon, like... The ban pen. Or the ban coyote. or a banzilla. Don't go overboard with the words. The two thousand words or less thing was a joke, though thinking about it, it's not really. Don't go over two thousand, whatever you do. I just need a name of a ban weapon. I guess I should add this to the end of this post, too.

@ alex. GTFO.

@ Aurora. I guess I've answered your question. Just a weapon, should probably have the word 'ban' in there. Oh Jebus, I just realised what you guys were on about. The whole two thousand words or less thing at the top was a joke. That's not to say you should be writing more than two thousand, but there's no expectation that you should be writing up to two thousand words. I guess I better add this to the top of this post too.

@ Ace. Pfft. There's nothing wrong with a ban sword, but it'd hardly be red. I don't ban trolls, I use them to vent my pent up anger of the establishment. If anything, I ban bots, and you can be as creative with that as you like.

@ overmind. Ten for the cultural reference, but zero for execution. Banerang sounds like I'm trying to tell my bro that his mate named Bane called him earlier.

@ Aurora. Quit telling people about my evil plan, and I've already spoken to you. Stylish backstory, though it's a bit of a slap in the face. Really, I ban bots, so if I've been textwalling them, then I'm the one being trolled by a bot, which wouldn't look too good on my annual report.

No stories. Two thousand words or less was a joke. Names only. If you can follow the order in which I wrote this up, you've been analysing it too much.

EDIT:

@ marinefreak. I'd already posted the ban spanner! Zero for originality, though ten for the attention to banning in the 'ban banner' idea.

@ Aurora. Quit posting more often than me. It makes me look slow.

C'mon guys. Two thousand eight hundred and ninety buckeroonies! And hopefully marinefreak chucking a severe wobbly.

 

You just made another text wall.
*adds page to BanBook*

And sorry, didn't mean to offend you.
Just a bit of a personalized touch. If you haven't noticed yet: I'm the most arrogant person around here. Just noticed today the the letter "I" is used a bit to much by me. So it really wasn't meant as a slap in the face. Sorry again.

 

I bring a gift of the most legendary mod tool, it has traveled many miles and was once sold in the glorious markets of eBay.com. Sit tight my friends for a tale is to be told...

The name "Excaliban" was first used for King Arthur's mod tool by the French Romancers who were aptly banned. It was not the famous "BanSword in the Stone", but a second mod tool acquired by the King through the intercession of his druidic forum moderator, Merlin. Worried that Arthur would fall in the flood of SPAM, Merlin took the King to a magical lake (http://www.magicallake.com) where a mysterious pop up thrust itself up from the internet browser holding within its separate window a magnificent mod tool.

​

In many versions, Excaliban's blade was engraved with words on opposite sides. On one side were the words "take me up", and on the other side "cast me away", alluding to Jonah 1:12. When Excaliban was first drawn, Arthur's enemies were blinded by its apparent bad assery, which was as bright as thirty hundred billion torches plus one LED light. Excaliban's scabbard was said to have powers of its own...

Nineteenth century poet Alfred, Lord Tennyson, described the mod tool in full Romantic detail in his poem "Morte d'Arthur Banneth", later rewritten as "The Banning of Arthur", one of the Idylls of the King:

There drew he forth the brand Excaliban,
And o’er him, drawing it, the winter moon,
Brightening the skirts of a long cloud, ban forth
And sparkled keen with frost against the hilt:
For all the haft twinkled with diamond sparks,
Myriads of topaz-lights, and hyacinth-work
Of subtlest bad assery.

Lo and behold! I present to you ... the Excaliban!

​

 

Hahaha, no worries. If you haven't noticed yet, I'm probably one of the most thick-skinned people around here. I'm also bored brainless from having to study, or at least needing to, which, hopefully, accounts for my less-than-sane behaviour.

@ Imagine. ****! I'll get back to you man, but I think Family Guy's on...

 

alright do not fear my friend as i will think of awesomeness 2mollo.

 

oh my goodness holy********. IMAGINE WINS!!!

here i was thinking ragnarok....but excaliban!!!! GENIUS!!!

i can see itza with a sword. it represents him. xD

 

bannRn^

 

Isn't excalibur a claymore? Or am I thinking of the wrong weapon here? :s

 

well, Fenix Banhammer is based on Thor's mjolnir since he is his idol. Kuraikozo has a banpencil because of her drawings. We need something that fits with IHG

IHG has long smart posts. he needs a ban monocle, or a banocle if you want. An item of great power that the archangels of knowledge and patience reward to those they see most fit to wield it.

It also receives over 600 channels and has internet access

 

@ Itza: Thanks but no thanks and stop wall texting, it does not make you more intelligent. Srsly
.... ok carry on then, that's becoming entertaining ^^

EDIT: Oh wait..... space junk.... that's your territory xD

 

Ahahaha I caused this in him.

This is awesome.

 

i still rkn he'll be good with a sword.