Josh did you even write a story? all you do is critisize everybodies work, and judging by your asumption that it's a play experience you already read it.
Well, it's better than me saying "you suck, dude!" And I'm not saying this is a bad work but it does still have that kind of feel. And of course I've read it so I've commented on it so I think I have done nothing wrong.
^ agree with other posters... there's no characters, plot, etc, etc... all the things that make stories
I agree with everyone else, this isn't much of a story. A pitfall lots of fan fiction tumbles down is saying what is going on exactly like its the game. "The medic used flare to blind the overlord so the ghosts could safely cloak. The oncoming zerglings were helpless with out the overlord's detection." or "The small projectile burst directly in front of the looming overlord. Sarah felt relived knowing she had been a big contribution in what now seemed to be sure survival for the small group of Terrans. The short sweet humming of cloaking fields being activated whispered victory into her ears as her ghost allies prepared for their part in the fight. The zerglings that had accompanied the overlord were quickly unassimilated from the swarm by their unseen assailants "
I bump on what everyone else said. Sorry, but this story seems more like a statement. Not fun or interesting to read at all.
