I stumbled on this while contemplating why women are so much more likely to forgive infidelity than men are. We often hear that the key to a relationship is trust. While true, this is only a portion of the story. The basis of trust is vulnerability. You can't REALLY trust someone, until they have the power to hurt you, and yet refrain. Then you KNOW that they are trustworthy. Unfortunately, the vast majority of people will simply abuse you if you show some form of weakness. Which is why it is such a precious thing to take the risk of exposing a guarded portion of yourself to another, and have them cherish it just as you would and do. Secondly, this is why it is so special to have someone take that risk with you and give you the opportunity to injure them if you wish. How does this connect? Well, quite simply the act of sex suffices from a female to a male. By definition the female must be penetrated. The metaphorical piercing of barriers is plain, physical and obvious. Thus, when a woman allows another man to pierce her barriers - she in effect cheapens the impact of the gesture made to her original partner. You might compare it to having a friend share a "secret" with you, only to find out later that half the town knows. You lose any feeling of uniqueness you might have had. In the case at hand, the same is even more true. Any sense of a special bond is shattered. On the other hand, while a woman will definitely be hurt to find out that her mate has cheated on her, the impact is not quite the same on an ideological scale. For a man, barriers are not usually broken in a physical sense, rather it is emotional and mental weaknesses which must be explored. For a woman, the ultimate betrayal is for her man to confide in someone else and refuse to do so with her. If a man does this, he shows that he is not willing to expose a vulnerability to her - while most likely continuing to expose hers. The relationship cannot survive. This represents a fundamental difference in the natures of the sexes. Both women and men will be hurt by a partner's infidelity. Both women and men will be hurt by their partner confiding in someone, especially of the opposite sex, and refusing to do so with them. However, the proverbial straw that breaks the camel's back is reversed.
Great read and good timing! I had an argument with my significant other recently and pulled this point across. I will be leaving soon and I seriously do not like the idea of her hanging out with her crew members (which is composed mostly of guys) after work. Even if they are my friends as well, communication builds foundations and opens up doors, with me missing from the line, it is possible that someone can fill in the blank. I will let her read this to support my claim.
I hope that situation works out for you man. I'm finding out all about how tricky it is balancing love for a female against your own ego. It's really HARD to explain things like that, because your ego's yelling at you: 'don't be a wuss! don't show weakness!' But you know you have to say the necessary things to maintain the relationship... And yes, it may sound restrictive, but I agree with your opinion. It's only natural for a person to want company, and it's not hard to give in to emotions at a particular moment and then feel terribly sorry later. The best course is to make sure there's not even a possibility for temptation to begin with. You could even explain (if you haven't already), that you're not trying to ask too much - but while you're gone, you won't be spending undue time with other females, so it's not as if you're asking something you aren't willing to give yourself.
