We're in business now!

Discussion in 'Space Junk' started by ijffdrie, May 25, 2012.

We're in business now!

Discussion in 'Space Junk' started by ijffdrie, May 25, 2012.

  1. ijffdrie

    ijffdrie Lord of Spam

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    Ladies. Gentlemen. I believe it is time. We will take over the world! But, in this time of chemical weapons, nuclear weapons, biological weapons, psionic weapons and subspace weapons, I think we can all agree that trying to take it by force would not be very clever. Therefore, we most form a company, slowly imbedding ourselves in the upper crust of society. You have all been awarded positions in the company

    MarineCorp - Public relations manager.
    Since we're going to have to do some questionable stuff and human press can be quite annoyingly intrusive (even if you are doing nothing wrong), I'd prefer that the reporters do not ask a lot of questions. That's why I'm assigning this position to the world's one and only torrasque.

    EatMeReturns - Chief Operations Officer
    We need a mad genius on this part, a perfect role for the glorious master scientist EatmeReturns. With you as the chief of operations, we will do many glorious things!

    IJffdrie - Chief Human Resources Officer
    With my evil hiring skills, I will hire many evil people... TO DO EVIL!

    Darkone - Chief assassin
    If we ask you to kill other people, could you please not kill us? You'll get your own private luxury bathroom!


    Now, we must expand the scope of our company. We must find more employees and eeeeeevil projects!
     
  2. EatMeReturns

    EatMeReturns Happy Mapper Moderator

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    Quantum Evil Generator:
    1. Print a random string of English words.
    2. If it is not an evil project, destroy the entire universe.
    3. If the company does not exist, destroy the entire universe.

    The only remaining universes will be those in which the machine printed an evil project for us to use.
     
  3. ijffdrie

    ijffdrie Lord of Spam

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    Actually, we'd create universes where we decided to not blow up the universe after all as well.

    Plus, the multiversal theory is flawed. In it, every choice creates one and only one universe. Which would mean that if you let someone choose between a kick in the genitalia and a delicious cookie, an equal amount of people would get kicked in the crotch, rather than get a cookie (and another equal amount would run away). I think. I admit I'm not good at multiversal physics.
     
  4. EatMeReturns

    EatMeReturns Happy Mapper Moderator

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    Ok, how about this: A gun that makes targets THINK they're shot, but doesn't actually shoot them.
     
  5. ijffdrie

    ijffdrie Lord of Spam

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    Brilliant! Then, when they think they're dead, we can harvest them for fresh body parts!
     
  6. Inside Sin

    Inside Sin Active Member

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    Red paintball bullets?
     
  7. ijffdrie

    ijffdrie Lord of Spam

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    Very well. You have been promoted to Chief Supply Chain Officer.
     
  8. darkone

    darkone Moderator

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    So is the four of us on the board? Or is EMR our boss?

    What will we get paid in?

    Also. Got any assignments for me?
     
  9. ijffdrie

    ijffdrie Lord of Spam

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    EMR, me, you and Inside Sin are on the board of directors (all of us being chiefs). MC is technically not on the board, but as a public relations manager is probably the most important advisor. However, when a decision has been made by the board, we are directed by EMR.

    40% of our payments are in cash. 20% are in hardware to be decided on by the employee (This is both to keep tabs on employees and to classify my new pc as a busisness expanse). 40% is in either stock options or land claims for when we have conquered the world.

    Not really at the moment. Kidnapping some nuclear scientists would be nice though.
     
  10. darkone

    darkone Moderator

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    I see. So EMR is the same rank, he just makes sure things go smoothly once a decision is made. Makes sense.

    My 20% needs to be half slaves and half pure blood.

    Kidnapping some scientists? Hmm... Stealth or no?
     
  11. ijffdrie

    ijffdrie Lord of Spam

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    Stealth in countries with lots of recording software. No stealth in countries without. While it would still be... undesirable to show ourselves to the world, it wouldn't hurt to already start breeding some fear.
     
  12. EatMeReturns

    EatMeReturns Happy Mapper Moderator

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    Another reason to use the non-lethal pain bullets: Saves the blood for darkone, and keeps them alive for darkone.
     
  13. darkone

    darkone Moderator

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    No I think we should amass enough resources privately before we start breeding fear. Make sure we can defend ourselves before we go public. And what I meant for stealth was the kidnapping of the scientists. If I didn't go stealth then I would just kill everyone that saw me anyway.
     
  14. ijffdrie

    ijffdrie Lord of Spam

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    I meant breeding fear in general. Just brutally slaughtering people with claws and or fangs makes people think there is some horrible creature, but there is no way to link it to us.
     
  15. darkone

    darkone Moderator

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    You mean adding hysteria to the populace as a whole, not drawing attention to ourselves at all? Sounds fun.

    *leaves feeding victims in the street*

    That oughta do it.
     
  16. EatMeReturns

    EatMeReturns Happy Mapper Moderator

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    Ok how about this. A gun that makes people THINK they're bat-****-crazy-insane from fear.
     
  17. darkone

    darkone Moderator

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    kinda like that gas from batman begins only in firearm form?


    AWESOME!!!!!
     
  18. ijffdrie

    ijffdrie Lord of Spam

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    So, we still need to find a job for Ximni. Any suggestions?
     
  19. darkone

    darkone Moderator

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    Cheerleader?
     
  20. ijffdrie

    ijffdrie Lord of Spam

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    Hrm, I was hoping he'd have replied by now.


    Anyway, we have plenty of firepower already, what with our scarecrow gas/red paint bullets and nuclear weaponry. However, we have little in the way of political power. We need a way to show select politicians our true power, without revealing ourselves to anyone else or revealing how small our organization is.