Email/Message Fun!!

Dear Major.

I don't really know how to tell you this, but I'm in love with your cat. I think I realized it when your dog humped my leg, in your closet, and I saw you castrate my salt-beef bucket. I'm sure you're masochistic enough to understand that we're related. I'm returning your pet rock to you, but I'll keep your mother as a memory. You should also know that I haven't showered in a month, and that I am scratching my ass as you read this.

Warm Tingly Sensations,
Banned.

 

Dear Anyone,

I don't really know how to tell you this, but you're a pervert. I think I realized it when I saw the purple monkey, at the mental hospital and I saw you put whipped cream on My prized statue of Michael Jackson in the nude.
I'm sure you're senile enough to understand That your smell makes me vomit.
I'm returning your toe ring to you, but I'll keep your left ear as a memory.
You should also know that I Gave my confession today about the moose poaching and You ruined my attempts at another world war.

Best of luck on the sex-change,
Kaaraa

 

Dear no one in particular

I don't really know how to tell you this, but our socks don't match. I think I realized it When your dwarf bit me, Under the bus and I saw you Sit on My father.
I'm sure you're High enough to understand That your Ford sucks.
I'm returning The couch cushions to you, but I'll keep The couch cushions as a memory.
You should also know that I Gave my confession today about the moose poaching and I will haunt you when I’m incarnated as an Eskimo.

Greetings to your frog Leonard,
Hydn351